I have been quiet for quite some time. To be honest I could not think of what to write, which might sound strange to you. Or more likely I have so much to share which cannot be expressed in few paragraphs on this blog.
Half way to the finish line it is time to ask the question again: what was the reason to join PC? Well to escape routine, monotony, save the world (as my friend, Asta, teases me) and travel. As I was departing for the service I had low expectations (or tried to), some plans and fears of what is waiting ahead. During first months in the Gambia, despite trying to adjust to new culture and people, I got enough motivation to feel that I can move mountains. My spirits were high. Ah, so naïve. All of it crashed down when faced with the realities, which translates to banging head onto the wall or taking a place of Sisyphus. Over and over again explaining to my host mom that heartburn is an acid reflex and not the worms traveling up the throat while she just stares in disbelief; or constantly repeating to them to plant different vegetables in their garden and not the ones that the entire village plants and sells for nothing. So then in my mind I travel back to Lithuania, where I try to convince my grandfather to do something different from what he has been doing all his life. It is an impossible task. I realize we all are the same – we all have developed resistance and fear of change, including me. To understand and accept that is comforting in this work. I meant to do much difference, but now what makes me happy is hearing my host mom saying English phrases, my host sister saving the money, the school in my village having water, or a stranger observing in disbelief a toubaab woman washing clothes with her hands (“oh, you know how to do it.”).
After a year mingling in this society I believe in “teaching a man to fish and not providing him the fish itself”. The created worldwide system is so interconnected and “screwed up”. The simple equation became long unsolvable mess of equations like our lives overcrowded with technologies and other unnecessary garbage. How to solve it? – many of us ask. How can one justify stripping a man naked and then handing out the small pieces of used cloth for him to cover himself? How can one steal vegetables from neighbor’s garden and then offer back the leftovers? I do not believe in the handouts and I do not believe in aid (with few exceptions) anymore. But I believe in education and in people who work hard in order for their children to have a better life.
I cherish the newly discovered patience calmly waiting for the gelli to fill, in queue behind doctor’s door, for the contractor who is late more than two hours. Time has a different dimension here. Saying “Time is money” does not apply. People own the time and they are not slaves of time, like I was in the States. I find the joy in sitting around and doing nothing, which is different from wrapping your life in efficiency and productivity.
Do you think you are making difference? - my friend asked. I leave to answer this question for the community. When draining in a sea of harassment, and constant disturbances, I hear “Oh you are peace corps. You are doing good work. Thank you.” I believe that we impacted someone’s life in one or the other way.
More than anything this last year taught me a lot about myself, to leave the safety zone, to let go the control grip and to chill. Things will get solved sooner or later.
However, I terribly miss my dear family and friends who are scattered between two continents. I am grateful for your acceptance, patience and support. Lots of love to you all!